Hello folks. I want to make this post, partly so I can procrastinate school work, but partly because I haven’t updated this blog in a while and some things have developed.
First of all, I started seeing a therapist. I’ve had one session with her, but it’s been really helpful. I’m going to have more sessions, because A) this will really help me (and with more than just gender stuff) and B) it will get me on my way to Testosterone. My first therapy appointment was dedicated to discussing my family life and coming out. As it was my first appointment, the majority of the hour was not about coming out. However, she did ease a lot of anxieties that I had around coming out to my family. She helped me develop a plan so that over the Thanksgiving break, I could go home and tell my family. And I did.
I went to my dad’s house first. I was incredibly nervous, as was expected. I had a plan to talk to my dad and my step mom, but then things kept happening that prevented me from this. However, at about 12:30AM on Tuesday morning, I walked into my step mom’s bedroom to talk to her. I got really lucky with the fact that she brought it up to me; because I was getting more and more sure that I was going to chicken out. But, my step mom was already a little bit aware of the fact that I was pretty gender neutral, and she also knew that my friends called me Max. But when she brought it up she asked me if it was just a name thing, to which I responded no. I explained to her that I was transgender and that I used Max as my new name, and that I use he/they pronouns. It was scary, but I knew she would handle it well.
The next day she talked to my dad while I was out. When I came back, she told me to go talk to him. When I went into his office, it was already easy since he had been “warned,” for lack of a better word. He took it silently, which was expected, but I know he just wants me to be happy. My brother took it really well too, and has been the one who’s making the most effort to get my name and pronouns right. And my sisters already knew.
I went to my mom’s house on Wednesday. I went to the basement at night and told her I needed to talk to her. This conversation was not so easy, since I had to be the one to bring it up. And quite honestly, it didn’t go the way I thought it would. Because I don’t want to go into a lot of details, I’ll just say that it was very emotional.
Part of my plan was to tell my grandparents as well, so that I could change my name on Facebook and make a coming out post. However, I didn’t really realize how emotionally exhausting this was going to be. My parents also thought I should wait it out for a bit, and it makes sense. I’ll let my parents process this before coming out to my extended family, because that way if there are any problems there (which I’m expecting), my parents will be able to offer support instead of also processing it.
Needless to say my plan didn’t go how I wanted it to and I’m a little disappointed. My family have still not called me by Max, or he. I know that it will take time and that this is still very new, but I’m still kinda disappointed. My siblings are making a conscious effort which I really really appreciate, and I’m hoping it’ll kind of rub off on my parents. My biggest concern is that because I’ve moved out and live in a different city, I’m not there to answer questions, or correct them when they mess up. But hopefully it’ll all work out fine.
But in the end, I’m proud of myself for finally doing this. It took my way too long, and I’m on the road to starting this journey at its full capacity. Thank you for reading, have a wonderful night.